Ending a relationship badly can rip right through your core. You just want to rush right in to get him back. Especially when you think everything was OK, and you didn't see it coming. Or you just find the explanation totally unbelievable.Especially for women, losing the "we", i.e., "he" we belong to can be devastating. We tend to think it's all our fault which is another way of saying it's all about us. We lose our center and our self-confidence.
All types of emotions roar to the surface. Our family and friends may not even recognize us. We may not even recognize ourselves.
As angry as you may be, somehow or other you have to take a step back and see things from a higher point of view. Regaining your composure is a priority.
As hurt as you may be, you must find a way to distance yourself from those painful feelings to maintain your balance.
As panicked as you may be, you must know you are strong enough to survive this. You must believe you will thrive after this.
How do you do this? Postponing communication with your ex at this time offers the best chance of getting him back in the future.
Even if you fervently believe the two of you should be together at least one person does not believe it at this time. Before your hope can transform into reality, you'll have to get down to work.
This work has a plan and a foundation.
1: The foundation of your program is giving yourself a break. Not the type of break where you don't show up for work so often that you lose your job. Or you start frantically partying, in any way you imagine. The wrong way can have negative consequences lasting for years. It will merely prolong the pain. And you will not get your ex back this way.
You must resist contacting your ex at this time. You have to get in touch with yourself before you get back with your ex.
2: You have to start taking care of yourself. Not by hanging out at home vegetating. You need to take action on anything but your break up. You need the distance from your ex to resolve your own issues.
Go out with friends to have fun. Of course good friends will support you during this difficult time, however show real interest in their lives as well. Do the things you like to do even if you don't have a current partner.
3: Getting involved in some useful activity with a measurable goal helps you redefine yourself. Even small incremental successes boost your self-image. You then feel confident about your decisions. You become more free to acknowledge what or who you really want in life.
The old tried and true advice still holds true. Get engaged with an activity outside yourself. Develop a hobby or take a course to improve your career prospects. Even volunteer for an organization whose work you respect.
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