Friday, January 22, 2010

Break Up Mistakes and How to Fix Them

Break Up Mistakes can completely ruin your chances of getting back together with your ex. Be careful with what you do and say while your emotions are running hot. Avoid the common break up mistakes by identifying them first and then learning alternative behavior and coping strategies.

GET OFF HIS BACK

This means that you do not argue, beg, plead or engage with him in any way. Don't ask him to explain WHY he is leaving. Don't try to reason or work out the issue - this is the number one break up mistakes that people make. Nothing can be resolved in the initial post breakup stage. Get off his case and leave him to work it out for himself.

GET OUT OF HIS WAY

Stay away from places that you know he will be at. Avoid contact as much as possible and definitely do not engage with any of his friends, family or coworkers. As much as you want to show him how well you are doing - this will backfire. People can feel when someone has shifted away, and this is your goal at the moment.

GET ON WITH YOUR LIFE

Reconnect with your friends, get out as much as possible and expand on your social circle. Yes this also means that you start dating again. There is nothing wrong with it and it doesn't have to lead to anything serious. It is just about you regaining your confidence and dignity. You need to all the things that will rebuild your self esteem, so that you are in a stronger bargaining position when he does come back to you - and he will.

DON'T TALK OR ANALYZE

Another one of the major break up mistakes. Guys see this as pressure. You will never be able to talk him into wanting you back. The hook will come from an emotional and psychological level - not through words, arguing and convincing, but from him realizing that he not only WANTS you but NEEDS to have you back. Words appeal to the logic. What you are aiming for is his emotions - and the less words the better.

DON'T BE AVAILABLE

When you first break up he will also be feeling insecure and vulnerable. He will instinctively want to know that you are still there for his, should he choose to come back. Make sure that you act in a way that demonstrates that you are no longer available. Be brief if he calls, don't engage in text messaging with him and definitely do NOT sleep with him.

DON'T PUSH TOO HARD

He needs to be the one that comes back to you. Don't try and resolve anything or ask for answers. Don't even suggest the possibility of a reconciliation ever taking place. Remember, this is going to be HIS move not your, and the only way it can happen is if you avoid the common break up mistakes.

You need to give him the time and space to miss you so that he can initiate the contact and inevitable reconciliation. He will feel compelled to come back to you only when he feels like he is compelled to do so and that comes from you letting go completely.

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